WWF
Prexy Vince McMahon tells me that he's just signed Roxanne Pulitzer
to join his stable of foxy wrestlers...I hear Rudolph Giuliani is
planning on administering the "Mark of the Beast" to Big Apple
citizenry to maintain order. Eddie Mekka, Linda Evangelista
and the Dali Lama oppose the plan...Penn & Teller's Penn
Gilette (He's the one who talks) is one helluva nice Satan-worshipper...No
one makes a better fake I.D. than supermodel Beverly Johnson...Fun
fact: Producer Robert Evans' skin is completely made up of saddle
leather...Now that Rev. Robert Schuller has finished the hip-hop
spray paint mural on the glass panels of his Crystal Cathedral,
Sunday morning attendance is up 23%...Hang in there, Shaun Cassidy!
Friday's coming!...I hear Chris Noth is out and Dick Vitale
is in as "Mr. Big" on "Sex and the City"...Has there ever
been a finer Farrah Fawcett film than "Somebody Killed Her Husband"?...In
what I think is a great idea, the folks who make Beanie Babies are
planning on introducing a series of the bean-bagged toys inspired by celebrities.
The first group to be immortalized includes Patti LuPone, Vin
Scully, Reginald Vel Johnson and Amanda Plummer...I love
getting sloshed on hot toddies with my pals Mickey Spillane, Boo
Berry and Eileen Brennan and watching my videotapes of Mentos
commercials...His acting gifts aside, doesn't Leonardo DiCaprio
make a marvelous peanut butter & jelly sandwich?...I hear the gang
at TV's #1 show, "ER," have an acne storyline coming this fall that
will blow us all away...Casting on Barry Diller's USA Films planned
Osmond
Brothers biopic is complete now that Peter Gallagher and Malcolm
Jamal Warner have signed on to play Merrill and
Jimmy...You
haven't lived until you've seen the secret sex tapes of Pamela Anderson
and the late Paddy Chayefsky romping between the sheets...Does anyone
fill out a halter top better than former United Nations Secretary-General
Boutro Boutros Ghali?...Is Cyndi Garvey one of my ex-wives?
Just asking, gang..."Who Let the Dogs Out?!?!" indeed...Color me
confused that Mark Harmon refuses to speak to anyone unless it's
through the puppet, "Coco," that he always wears on his right hand
off-camera...I hear "The Jetsons'" family pooch Astro had
to be destroyed recently...Despite my many pleas via email, Marcia Gay
Harden still refuses to get her hair frosted...Isn't that a wonderful
husky lisp that designer Isaac Mizrahi has?...Fun fact: Joanne
Woodward's parents were midgets...If she's ever a dinner guest at your
house, do yourself a favor and keep Olivia Hussey away from the
cognac...What is it about a broad wearing a wimple that turns me on?...If
you're looking for the "next big thing," I can assure you it will be claymation
pornography...Memo to Leonard Cohen: Huh?...Bike messengers don't
don't any more professional than Hayley Mills...If I'm brushing
my teeth, the toothpaste had better have tartar control...When you make
up your list of great bass players, Motley Crue's splendid Nikki
Sixx had better be at the top of the list...Candice Bergen cheats
at jai alai...Those George Foreman grills make a dandy waffle iron
if you tilt up the front...His predilection for farm animals aside, wasn't
Curt
Gowdy was one seriously great baseball announcer?...Separated at birth:
Stevie
Ray Vaughn and hairstylist-to-the-stars Jose Eber.
