LARRY
KING'S
PEOPLE
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This week on 
Larry King Live:
Monday:
Janet Reno
Tuesday:
Jean Kasem
Wednesday:
Wyclef Jean
Thursday:
Tinky Winky
Friday:
Al Roker
Ben Vereen can take all of the Bayer Aspirin he wants, and it may help prevent another stroke, but no way will it stop him from being plowed over again by noted composer David Foster's death car...I am curious by nature, but during a recent visit to South Africa, I refrained from asking former President Nelson Mandela the question I've always wanted to ask him: How come you got a last name for a first name?!?!?...It ain't a sporting event unless Al Trautwig is doing the play by play...There's no doubt that now-First Brother and Florida Governor Jeb Bush had a hand in the election mess in the Sunshine State. But somehow, a hunch tells me that Kadeem Hardison figures in the mix as well...No one, I mean no one, has a Grand Mal seizure quite like Houston Astros skipper Larry Dierker...Speaking of Grand Mal seizures, if they have anything to do with the heart, I probably had it...I hear Vic Damone's dating up a storm with whichever one of those "Family Affair" girls that's still alive...Where does Lex Luthor keep coming up with all that kryptonite he's forever teasing Superman with? Just asking gang. By the way, I'll be in Metropolis next week to emcee at the local Cardiac Foundation's roast of Kevin Nealon. With the likes of Sinbad and Judy Tenuda on the dias expect a gut or three to be busted! ...I rarely eat dog food directly from the can, but the Cadillac brand is so tasty, I can't resist! It's no wonder it's what Henry Kissinger feeds his pooches!...I've got the solution to the endless gridlock that plagues America's highways and byways: Chariots...Imagine my surprise at my most recent bachelor party when my pal, William Windom, arranged to have a male stripper entertain. Imagine my double surprise when it turned out that the stripper was none other than the late Zero Mostel...Gerbils-up-the-ass aside, isn't Richard Gere one of our finer actors?...I'd like to hunt down the TV executive who cancelled "Daktari" and split his skull with a ball peen hammer...Despite carrying a credit card that read "Psychic," I can assure you that the late Jeane Dixon couldn't soothsay herself out of a paper bag...I enjoy stuffing two cats inside of a USA Today vending machine, taking out the display paper and watching them go at it. By the way, I always give the calico even odds and you can thank me later...If you've never been on the recieving end of a spit take at the Friar's Club, then you've never lived, my friend...The best forty bucks I ever spent was on one of those "Garden Weasels" they advertise on the TV and I'm allergic to all plant life. Go figure!...Give me St. Patrick's Day, but spare me the shamrocks...I can't pick a favorite Backstreet Boy; They're all gorgeous!...Can you not look at Tab Hunter without wanting to give him a hug?...Is it just me or is that a third arm I see coming out of the chest of former White House advisor David Gergen?...Does anyone have an idea what organization awards St. Christopher Medals to people? I've seen many people with them, yet I have not won one. I mean, I've got Peabodys, Emmys and a Cable Ace Award comes out every time I take a shit. I'm in such a snit about this, gang, that if I eventually recieve one, I may tab Sacheen Littlefeather to refuse for me in my absentia...What in the Hell does The Sierra Club do?...Since interviewing is my livelihood, I'm often asked what five people from history I'd most like to have as a guest on LARRY KING LIVE and what question I would ask them, so here goes, gang: 1. Adolph Hitler ("What's with the moustache?"), 2. Mohandas Gandhi ("What did you think of Ben Kingsley's Oscar-winning portrayal of you? I thought it was marvelous!"), 3. Albert Einstein ("Have you ever considered a comb?"), 4. The Brawny Paper Towel guy ("Are you gay?"), 5. Kaye Ballard ("Will you show me your breasts?")...Baseball soon gang, I'm getting a woody!