LARRY
KING'S
PEOPLE
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This week on 
Larry King Live:
Monday:
Sen. Jim Jeffords
Tuesday:
Joe Isuzu
Wednesday:
Bowser
Thursday:
Kool-Aid Pitcher
Friday:
George "The Animal" Steele
Being a star does have its advantages; Whilst my unfortunate CNN comrades lost theirs in the latest rounds of budget cuts, I still have my Slurpee vouchers built into my contract...Many thanks to Woody Harrleson for the pair of hemp suspenders he sent me...I love "The Young" but hate "the Restless"...I sure do miss seeing Loretta Lynn's now-dead husband Mooney in those Crisco commercials...Homeless shelters would be a lot better off if they took my advice and offered a free cup of coffee and complimentary copy of USA Today to guests each morning...Whoever invented vienna sausage is a genius!...Why is it that the thought of Jamie Farr wearing anything with a v-neck makes me yelp with pleasure?...Heartburn or no, Tums never fail to refresh me..."Boogie Fever" continues to be Sammy Cahn's greatest composition...Flamboyantly gay game show announcers just don't come any classier than "The Price is Right's" Rod Roddy...Ken Burns' new 17-hour PBS documentary on those u-shaped rugs that go around toilets is engrossing from beginning to end...I enjoy using those subscription cards inside magazines to floss my teeth...The three things I love most in the world: 1) Leeks, 2) Walruses, and 3) Christine Baranski... Mike Wallace tells me the greatest thrill of his career was providing field reports during the Civil War. Also, the ageless "60 Minutes" ambusher credits his longevity to a pact with Satan...Rod Stewart's "Young Turks" is one helluva music video...Can someone please explain to me why Garrison Keillor appeared recently on the "Maury" show and demanded to know who the father of his baby is?...If the meal I just consumed was prepared by Bobby Flay, I guarantee you there will be corn in my shit in the morning...Why hasn't A Taste of Honey had a record out lately?...Pardon me for working blue, but am I alone in thinking that Ms. Pac-Man swallows?...Submitted for your approval: The late Rod Serling could bench press 400 pounds...Give me a fez, but spare me the tassle...Yes, it's true: In her will, Arlene Francis bequeathed to me her bejeweled "What's My Line?" mask...Has there ever been a better celebrity arm wrestler than Abe Vigoda?...If it's made with Bisquik, I'll have a second helping, thank you...That whole brew-ha-ha over the pubic hair in Clarence Thomas' Coke a few years back got me a-wonderin' recently. So I had the hair in question tested and can tell you that, via DNA testing, the hair belongs to none other than Peter Weller...Is it just me or would limousines look dandier with mud flaps behind the rear wheels?...I never fail to get wood when I check out the eternally sexy Nancy Walker on "McMillian & Wife" reruns on A&E...Was Sargeant Shriver actually ever in the Armed Forces?...Ike Turner grills elk meat like no other...I'd lay even odds that if you exhumed his corpse today, David Susskind would still be talking...You might be surprised to learn that I wrote every song that Frankie Goes to Hollywood ever recorded, with the exception of "Relax," which was penned by Admiral William Stockdale and Billie Jean King.